You’re probably reading my blog because you’re interested in finding natural ways to heal yourself, particularly with herbs or wild plants.
It’s very possible that you are also a Healer of some kind, or an aspiring Herbalist. You’re looking for answers to help stop the pain, whether that’s for you or for a family member or other person in your life that you love. If so, this message is particularly directed at you.
You’ve certainly heard someone ask you for help or advice. What herb can I take instead of my pharmaceutical medication? What herb will stop my inflammation? What can I take to get rid of my autoimmune condition?
If you’re like I was the first few years after I started learning, your mind immediately jumps to whichever herb or herbs come to mind that could help stop their symptoms. But do you really want to just throw herbs at this person and hope they do something?
The longer I practice, the less inclined I am to even answer those questions. And I assure you, most people DO NOT like my answer. Because the real answer is that it’s complicated.
“Do you want me to tell you what you want to hear or do you want me to tell you the truth?”
That’s my favorite thing to say to the people who come looking for answers from me without having any idea what they’re actually asking. Most people say they want to hear the truth.
Trust me: they don’t.
Because the truth is that in most cases, that person is responsible for the condition that their body is in. Either through ignorance (which is fixable!) or intention, they stopped eating the foods their body needed to stay well. In some cases, they were never taught how or what to eat in the first place, and that lack of knowledge is finally catching up with them. Or they stopped making time to exercise at all and started surviving off coffee to keep awake and booze to help them sleep at night.
They realize that something is wrong and they’re ready to finally fix the problem. They’ll do whatever it takes to reverse the damage they’ve done and heal their bodies. THESE are people I love to help.
Yes, sometimes a person has had an accident or injury that acted as a catalyst for their other problems. But in those cases, there is still some amount of personal responsibility to be taken. Those people have to rise up and say “I’m going to find answers to help me and take action!” instead of giving up and blaming all their pain on the accident.
THOSE are the people I love to help.
And then there is the unfortunate majority of people I talk to (and probably the people you talk to as well): the ones who don’t like what you have to say and are only interested in utilizing natural remedies like their own personal “easy button.” The ones who scoff at you when you say the word “diet” even though you’re just using it in the context of “the food a person eats regularly” and their ears immediately put you on mute because CHANGE IS HARD and they just wanted to take an herb in pill form instead of a drug in pill form and why can’t you just do that for me? Don’t you love me enough to help me?
They are not interested in your answer. They are not interested in the truth. They are not interested in doing ANYTHING that would mean they have to give up the crutches they have come to rely on, be that a certain food, alcohol, coffee, or drug.
Those people will not change. They are not interested in anything you have to say to or offer them. And there is NOTHING you can do to force them to do what you think is best for them.
True healing requires a lifestyle change. The majority of people have no interest in changing the habits that they are used to; the very habits that brought them to the condition they are now in in the first place.
Nothing you say to Grandma, no matter how convincing you think your argument is, will get her to stop the inevitable deterioration of her lungs and the rest of her body when she doesn’t want to quit smoking tobacco. All the mullein in the world won’t heal her lungs from the damage she refuses to stop causing. And YOU cannot change her mind, no matter how much you love her or plead with her.
Nothing you say to your brother, who is literally eating himself to death and is on several drugs for his Type 2 diabetes, his constant recurring stomach ulcers, and the pain he feels from that knee injury he sustained back in high school, will stop him from eating the foods that temporarily soothe his pain by triggering the dopamine receptors in his brain, even if the effect only lasts for 20 minutes. Sure, he’ll rub that salve you made on his knee for a couple of days just to shut you up, but even if it works he’s probably going to forget about it in his medicine cabinet until you remind him about it at Christmas, when he’ll lie and say he uses it all the time but no thanks, he doesn’t need more right now.
A person will only make changes when they are in enough pain that they’re willing to do anything it takes to stop it.
And nothing you do or say can shift their opinion until or unless THEY decide to do so themselves.
I know you love your grandma. I know you love your husband. And they probably know you love them too. But the truth is that there’s a very real chance that they don’t love themselves. And because of that, it’s simply easier to blame the world around them for their problems rather than take responsibility for themselves.
And you know what? That’s Okay.
You have chosen to be the healer for your family, your friends, your community, or even just yourself. It doesn’t matter if the only person in your life or all around you that you can help or heal is yourself. The only person you can control is you. That is enough!
One of the hardest things you will ever have to do on this journey is accept that. It isn’t easy. Sometimes you will be watching a beloved friend or family member, maybe even your child or your spouse, slowly kill themselves.
I absolutely support you when you talk to them about the things they can do to heal, when you make them a special tea or tincture to take, when you help them meal plan and cook them something healthy and delicious that even they have to admit that they enjoyed.
But a time may come when you have to realize, understand, and accept that the person you want to help so badly will never be healed until they decide to help themselves. And you CANNOT make that decision for them. That’s a battle they have to win in their own minds.
Whether it’s herbs, sound healing, forest bathing, reiki, yoga, crystals, or whatever other healing modality you truly believe will help this person, sometimes the best thing you can do for your own sanity is to walk away from trying to help them. Because some people will drain you simply by complaining.
They will complain and whine about their problems and then refuse to do anything to resolve or fix those problems. They will ask you for help but then not like the suggestions you give them and refuse to even try. I don’t care how close this person is to you or how much you love them. A time will come when you have to say to yourself, “What am I getting out of this?” Because the answer is: Nothing.
You can’t care more than they do. If you care more about another person than they care about themselves, they’ll use it against you. They will use your goodwill and make demands that are impossible for you to meet. And that’s not fair to you.
I genuinely hope, for your sake, that your life is filled mostly with people from the first group. The people who want to heal, want to solve their problems, and are willing to try anything to get better.
And I also hope you can accept that there are some people you will not be able to help. Those people are not here reading this blog entry. If they started reading it, they gave up paragraphs ago.
With unconditional love and support, I am here for you.
YOU, dear reader, are one of those people who want to change. And for that, I applaud you. And I’d love to help!
You can start with a One-on-One Consultation with me HERE. You can also find some of my longer videos and advice on YouTube.
I hope this post has been helpful for you in some way. Please comment below if you have any thoughts to add!